| For those who have lost their moms [message #195900] |
Fri, 18 January 2013 16:36  |
stick miller
Messages: 1036
Registered: March 2010
Location: Americus, Georgia
Karma:
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Senior Member |
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In light of the fact that we've lost 2 of our dear mothers, I thought I'd include an old newspaper column I wrote concerning the death of my mother. My brother and sister would not stay with her so I sat for the better part of 3 days. Although it has been over 7 years, the fact remains that this is a tough loss.
Americus, Georgia - May, 2006
The alarm on my cell phone is set to ring at 6:30 every night. It is a reminder to me to call my mother, just to make sure she’s OK and tucked in for the night. The older she gets, the earlier, it seems, she takes to the bed.
I won’t be making those calls any more. There won’t be an answer. I just spent Mother’s Day and the day after with my mom — watching her die and holding her hand and making some pretty tough decisions.
She has been sick a long time. She was one of those that never smoked, yet she suffered from lung disease for the past 30 years. It has been a long difficult road, but it was only in the last 15 months since my dad died that she has let it get the best of her.
So I spent the day trying to remember better times and talking to her about her family and her dogs. I also tried to put into perspective a life of 81 years that has never seen hunger or want or undue sadness. She had a good life, and she deserves a good death experience.
I talked to her and I talked to me, trying to make both of us feel better about what is going on here. I also read her living will over and over making sure we were making the right decisions.
In the end, it was anti-climactic. She just quit struggling. I’ve heard stories about people at the door of death opening their eyes, smiling or saying something that makes their survivors feel better. Mother just died.
In the throws of grief and disbelief, here are two observations I’d like to make:
Mother’s “living will” made things so much easier. Decisions were made that I could not have made without some cognitive direction from my mother. Decisions that she made in a better time and frame of mind made it possible to lend a bit of dignity to her last day. Make sure you have one. It will save a lot of grief in the long run.
Also, if you have a mother or a father, pick up the phone and call them. Call them and tell them you love them and don’t ever let a day go by without touching base. Believe me; right now I’m really glad I could do that for my parents.
I’ve thought about changing my cell phone so the alarm doesn’t ring every night, but for now, I’m OK with the reminder. It’s a little bit of an annoyance knowing that, at 6:30 the phone will ring in my pocket, but inconvenience is tempered by the thought of the privilege I’ve just lost … and I do wish I could call her just one more time.
Stick Miller
'78 Royale - "White Trash" - she left me for another man
'76 Eleganza - "Cousin Eddie" Sold
'84 Bluebird Wanderlodge - "Past Tents"
Americus, GA
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