| [GMCnet] GMC tools explained [message #97671] |
Sat, 28 August 2010 20:53  |
Terry Skinner
Messages: 379
Registered: January 2004
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DRILL PRESS:A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest
and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted
project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could
get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to
say, "Oh, shit!" SKILL SAW:A portable cutting tool used to make studs
too short.
PLIERS:Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW:One of a family of
cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms
human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you
attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease
inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
TABLE SAW:A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:Used for lowering you GMC to the ground after you
have installed new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under
the bumper.
BAND SAW:A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to
cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into
the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the
outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength
of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids
or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on
your shirt; but , can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering
your palms.
PRY BAR:A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
used as kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE:Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on
contents such as seats,vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,
collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.
Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
Son of a b*tch TOOL:Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the
garage while yelling "Son of a b*tch" at the top of your lungs. It is
also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
--
Terry Skinner
253-686-2624
Roy. Washington
'76 GMC
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| Re: [GMCnet] GMC tools explained [message #97674 is a reply to message #97671] |
Sat, 28 August 2010 21:55  |
Rosebud
Messages: 132
Registered: September 2006
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Terry,
Lanny & I loved your list of tools & their purposes. You "hit the nail on the head." Of course, I couldn't show some of your words, as I have a reputation to uphold as Sunshine Lady. :) Watch for flying debris!
Billie Young
Sunshine Lady
GMCMI & GMC Classics
'77 EII
Kingsland, Tx.
From: Terry Skinner <gmcnut@gmail.com>
Subject: [GMCnet] GMC tools explained
To: gmclist@temp.gmcnet.org
Date: Saturday, August 28, 2010, 8:53 PM
...Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son..." at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
--
Terry Skinner
253-686-2624
Roy. Washington
'76 GMC
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| Re: [GMCnet] GMC tools explained [message #97802 is a reply to message #97674] |
Mon, 30 August 2010 11:38 |
LarryInSanDiego
Messages: 336
Registered: September 2006
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Senior Member |
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Couple of variations of ones above and some others I got from another board (long story):
TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and fuel lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt;
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering the fender upward off a hydraulic jack.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog poo off your boot.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.
BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under race cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate as a 25mm chain gun. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Detriot and rounds them off.
Larry Engelbrecht
San Diego, CA
'73 26' ex-Glacier
TZE063V100319 03/07/73
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