| [GMCnet] GMC tools explained [message #97671] |
Sat, 28 August 2010 20:53  |
Terry Skinner
Messages: 379
Registered: January 2004
Karma:
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Senior Member |
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DRILL PRESS:A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest
and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted
project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could
get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to
say, "Oh, shit!" SKILL SAW:A portable cutting tool used to make studs
too short.
PLIERS:Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW:One of a family of
cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms
human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you
attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease
inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
TABLE SAW:A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:Used for lowering you GMC to the ground after you
have installed new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under
the bumper.
BAND SAW:A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to
cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into
the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the
outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength
of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids
or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on
your shirt; but , can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering
your palms.
PRY BAR:A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
used as kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE:Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on
contents such as seats,vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,
collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.
Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
Son of a b*tch TOOL:Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the
garage while yelling "Son of a b*tch" at the top of your lungs. It is
also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
--
Terry Skinner
253-686-2624
Roy. Washington
'76 GMC
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