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| For those who have lost their moms [message #195900] |
Fri, 18 January 2013 16:36  |
stick miller
Messages: 1036
Registered: March 2010
Location: Americus, Georgia
Karma: 0
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In light of the fact that we've lost 2 of our dear mothers, I thought I'd include an old newspaper column I wrote concerning the death of my mother. My brother and sister would not stay with her so I sat for the better part of 3 days. Although it has been over 7 years, the fact remains that this is a tough loss.
Americus, Georgia - May, 2006
The alarm on my cell phone is set to ring at 6:30 every night. It is a reminder to me to call my mother, just to make sure she’s OK and tucked in for the night. The older she gets, the earlier, it seems, she takes to the bed.
I won’t be making those calls any more. There won’t be an answer. I just spent Mother’s Day and the day after with my mom — watching her die and holding her hand and making some pretty tough decisions.
She has been sick a long time. She was one of those that never smoked, yet she suffered from lung disease for the past 30 years. It has been a long difficult road, but it was only in the last 15 months since my dad died that she has let it get the best of her.
So I spent the day trying to remember better times and talking to her about her family and her dogs. I also tried to put into perspective a life of 81 years that has never seen hunger or want or undue sadness. She had a good life, and she deserves a good death experience.
I talked to her and I talked to me, trying to make both of us feel better about what is going on here. I also read her living will over and over making sure we were making the right decisions.
In the end, it was anti-climactic. She just quit struggling. I’ve heard stories about people at the door of death opening their eyes, smiling or saying something that makes their survivors feel better. Mother just died.
In the throws of grief and disbelief, here are two observations I’d like to make:
Mother’s “living will” made things so much easier. Decisions were made that I could not have made without some cognitive direction from my mother. Decisions that she made in a better time and frame of mind made it possible to lend a bit of dignity to her last day. Make sure you have one. It will save a lot of grief in the long run.
Also, if you have a mother or a father, pick up the phone and call them. Call them and tell them you love them and don’t ever let a day go by without touching base. Believe me; right now I’m really glad I could do that for my parents.
I’ve thought about changing my cell phone so the alarm doesn’t ring every night, but for now, I’m OK with the reminder. It’s a little bit of an annoyance knowing that, at 6:30 the phone will ring in my pocket, but inconvenience is tempered by the thought of the privilege I’ve just lost … and I do wish I could call her just one more time.
Stick Miller
'78 Royale - "White Trash" - she left me for another man
'76 Eleganza - "Cousin Eddie" Sold
'84 Bluebird Wanderlodge - "Past Tents"
Americus, GA
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| Re: [GMCnet] For those who have lost their moms [message #195913 is a reply to message #195901] |
Fri, 18 January 2013 21:22  |
Carl S.
Messages: 4186
Registered: January 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ.
Karma: 13
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| Tim Conway wrote on Fri, 18 January 2013 15:45 |
On Jan 18, 2013, at 5:36 PM, Stick Miller wrote:
> In light of the fact that we've lost 2 of our dear mothers, I thought I'd include an old newspaper column I wrote concerning the death of my mother.
The inevitable result of life is death, but still so difficult to be prepared for. Condolences to you seven years on, and Emery, Ken and families today.
Tim Conway
LI NY 78 PB
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Ditto...very well said.
Carl Stouffer
'75 ex Palm Beach
Tucson, AZ.
Chuck Aulgur Reaction Arm Disc Brakes, Quadrabags, 3.70 LSD final drive, Lenzi knuckles/hubs, Dodge Truck 16" X 8" front wheels, Rear American Eagles, Solar battery charging. GMCSJ and GMCMI member
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| Re: For those who have lost their moms [message #195922 is a reply to message #195900] |
Sat, 19 January 2013 08:14 |
kerry pinkerton
Messages: 2565
Registered: July 2012
Location: Harvest, Al
Karma: 15
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Well said Stick. We were please to meet you last week in Americus and I can hear you reading your words.
I lost my Dad and Mom some years back. My Dad always said he wanted to just drop dead and he did. Reading the paper and fell asleep and never woke up. Mom wasn't as fortunate and struggled with cancer.
Never easy.
I too frequently think of something I need to tell them from time to time. It is somewhat spooky when you hear them answer.
Kerry Pinkerton - North Alabama
Had 5 over the years. Currently have a '06 Fleetwood Discovery 39L
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| Re: For those who have lost their moms [message #195924 is a reply to message #195900] |
Sat, 19 January 2013 09:12 |
habbyguy
Messages: 896
Registered: May 2012
Location: Mesa, AZ
Karma: 3
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Senior Member |
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Nice words, Stick.
On my recent road trip, I visited my 85 year old mother's place over Thanksgiving. Her best friend Cleta (who I've known as "family" for all but three weeks of my 55 years) was in ICU at death's door when we got home. We were told that she had been unresponsive for days, and was in her last hours, so we all rushed to the hospital to see her one last time.
To everyone's amazement, she rallied and we got to see the "old Cleta" for a couple hours. She faded away after that, never really "coming back" again before her passing a week later (she was a tough, tough old bird). The time we got to spend with her was a blessing beyond words.
What this did for me was to encourage me to look for an opportunity to move closer to my mom's place, and to Carol's mom's place (mid-NJ). I drew the "day trip radiuses" on the map, figured out how much cold weather we're willing to deal with, and decided we'll probably be relocating in the mid-Atlantic area, probably around Chattanooga. We visited that area during our road trip, and really liked it.
Most importantly, if we can get our AZ house sold, we will be embarking on our next big adventure, but really - will just be seeing a lot more of our moms. Stick, thanks for helping make that perspective a little clearer.
Mark Hickey
Mesa, AZ
1978 Royale Center Kitchen
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| Re: For those who have lost their moms [message #195928 is a reply to message #195924] |
Sat, 19 January 2013 09:38 |
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jaholland
Messages: 565
Registered: June 2010
Location: Sweet Home Alebamy
Karma: 0
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Senior Member |
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Stick;
We got back homer about 9 PM last night
My Mother died at 10:50 Am on Friday the
11 th and her Home Going Celebration was
at 7 Pm Tuesday in South Bend Indiana ~
Mother would have been 98 on May 9th 2013
We are so thankful that we got to spend the
entire month of November with her.
My Brother and my 3 Sisters also visited at
that same time even tho it was not planned ~
Stick,
Thanks Very Much For This Thoughtful
and Timely Post ~
~ Joe & Lavelle Holland
/_]*[__][] *[__|] ~ * '73 TZE063V101887 "
"
O----------OO--]* ~ '78 TZE168V100234 "
"
" Joe & Lavelle " "
"
'sweet home alebamy'
[Updated on: Sat, 19 January 2013 10:07] Report message to a moderator |
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