Home » Public Forums » GMCnet » “ Visitor’s Guide To Bummin’ham Alebamy“ (NECESSARY INSTRUCTIONS FOR NON-ALABAMIANS)
| “ Visitor’s Guide To Bummin’ham Alebamy“ [message #143178] |
Tue, 13 September 2011 02:02  |
 |
jaholland
Messages: 565
Registered: June 2010
Location: Sweet Home Alebamy
Karma:
|
Senior Member |
|
|
“ Visitor’s Guide To Bummin’ham Alebamy“
First you must learn how to pronounce the city name
BUM / MIN / HAM
Drivin Structions Fer Bummin’ham ;
Bummin’ham has it’s own version of traffic views -
# 1 ~
The Truck with the Loudest exaust goes 1st at the 4-way Stop
# 2 ~
The truck with the biggest tires goes next -
# 3 ~
Lil Blue Haired Ladies always have the right of way any time -
# 4 ~
To find anything in this city
you must first Locate I-20 / I-59 / I-65 malfunction junction
which is the Alpha & Omega, the big inning & the end.
It is one of the only two Backward CLOVERLEAF Formation
Interchanges in the Entire World.
We invented and instituted it and only one other city was ever
STUPID enough to build another one like it again, {Atlanta},
making them Gawigans even DUMBER than us !
# 5 ~
The Morning Rush Hour Is 5:00 AM til 11:00 AM
# 6 ~
The Evenin Rush Hour Is 3:00 PM til 8 PM
# 7 ~
Friday Rush Hour is Thursday 5:00 AM til Saturday Noon
If the term ‘mergin delays’ is ever used by anyone, you must
call in and tell them that you are gonna be 30 minutes late !
# 8 ~
If you ever stop fer a Yella Lite, you will be rear ended,
cussed out and possibly shot.
{This applies to both male & female drivers alike}
# 9 ~
You Must Know that “I-20“, “I-59”, “I-65” and “I-459”
Are The SAME Road, they just loop and loop around the city.
It is a ploy to confuse all outsiders and discouraging them
yankee visitors that keep on coming hear ever since that war
of Northern Aggression.
# 10 ~
Always find out if it is a RACE Weekend before you git an a road.
Ifn it is You had better stay home or else you will be caught
in that traffic and end up at the race NO MATTER WHAT.
# 11 ~
Road CONSTRUCTION is permanent in Bommin’ham.
They move around them thar barrels & cones in the middle of
every night just to confuse you each morning thus making
the next day’s driving a bit more exciting.
# 12 ~
Watch Out CAREFULLY For Road Hazzards
Skunks, cats, deer, barrels, dogs, cones, cows, pigs,
potholes, horses, rabbits, armadillos, truck tires,
raccoons, opossums, squirrels, chickins, dirty diapers,
pieces of other cars, bed springs, Kids, People and Steel
Coils falling off of flat bed trucks.
# 13 ~
If somebody actually has their turn lites on, you must wave them
over to the shoulder and tell them that they are on and
confusing everybody.
# 14 ~
The minimum speed limit on the innerstate hiways is 55 mph
which really means 85 mph in Alebamy numbers.
Anythang else is considered downrite sissy.
This is the Alabamy State Hiway Departments Version of NASCAR
especially during Rush hour which everybody in Bommin’ham is
agoing bumper to Bumper.
# 15 ~
Do NOT Gawk at our wimmin folk while they are applying
Makeup, atalkin on their cell phone, smoking a Marlboro, drankin
a diet coke, eatin a country ham biskit while maintainin 85 mph
In rush hour traffic.
If she is acommin from north of Bommin’ham, she may be apakin.
If she is acommin from south of Bommin’ham, she is apackin and
Not afeared to shoot.
Bommin.ham Weather Information ;
# 1 - If it is 110 degrees -
Then it’s close to Thanksgivin
# 2 - If it is 20 degrees and sleeting -
Then it’s demolition derby time on all streets, roads and bridges
Look Out - We Will Target Any And All Vehicles wheither They
Are amovin or not.
Bomming’ham Seasonal Infromation
* * Its Spring -
if yore bottum iz astickin to your plastic seat covers in yer car
* * Its Summer -
if you need to let your car git som air while astandig next to
it with all of the doors and winders open before you can stick
yer blummin haid in so you can crank it and turn on the A/C -
* * Its Fall
If you are driving at 55mph with all of the winders down and still
A sweating like a pig on lection day-
* * Its Winter -
If you finally roll the w2inders up in yer car and turn off that A/C -
F
I
N
N
A
L
Y
Bommin’ham General Infromation
# 1 -
Do NOT Speak to anyone during the song
“SWEET HOME ALABAMA”
{it’s a state law you know}
# 2 -
If You Ask Fer A COKE
You had better tell them which one you want
such as a Ginger Ale, Orange Crush, DrPepper, Mtn Dew,
Pepsi, RootBeer, Cherwine, Buffalo Rock, 7up, RC Cola
or CocaCola.
{they’re all coke here}
# 3 -
TEA
All tea is Iced Tea
All Iced Tea Is Sweet Tea {really sweet} and if you don’t like it
YOU CAN JUST GO BACK UP NORTH
Cause
We Didn’t Even Invite You Hear In The Furst Place !
Yawall HaveA Shore Nuff Good Time Ya Hear !
/_]*[__][] *[__|] ~ * '73 TZE063V101887 "
"
O----------OO--]* ~ '78 TZE168V100234 "
"
" Joe & Lavelle " "
"
'sweet home alebamy'
[Updated on: Tue, 13 September 2011 02:13] Report message to a moderator |
|
|
|
Current Time: Thu Oct 17 17:07:40 CDT 2024
Total time taken to generate the page: 0.00989 seconds
|
GMCforum
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
